I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize