Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
