I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
