You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
