At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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