mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
