If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
