whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
