Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
