he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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