I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
