You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
