i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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