thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
