so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
