The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
