Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
