I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
