Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
