dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You took a bar mat shot.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
