i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
