That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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