dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
