Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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