I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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