remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
