she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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