Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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