Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
