i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
