dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
