I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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