I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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