Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
worst night to have a conscience
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We need a shit load of segways right now
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
