Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
