i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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