Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
