Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
