Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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