I'm so fucking centered right now
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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