She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
