This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize