So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
