Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
