he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
