i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
