she woke up with a sticky ear
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
