Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
