How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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