jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
