i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
