The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
