I wish I could punch you in the face.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
