man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
