I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
