So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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