I think my fart just growled at me.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize