have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i believe in u and ur pee
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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