You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
