We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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