I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
