i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am available for nakedness
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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