did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
