I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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