She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
