the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
