I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
