Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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