Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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