First date: that requires underwear, huh?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Everclear isn't food dammit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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