I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
