If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize