I must be too annoying 4 u.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't deserve a penis
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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