my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
