dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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