So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
they call him Oral-B. enough said
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
