WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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