Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
