if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
