If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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