at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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