I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
