There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
