Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
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