What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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