i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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