hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
