someone threw a dead crab at me
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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