You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
