If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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