shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
