whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
