I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
